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Neurasthenia

by Repressed Anxiety Collapse

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1.
caving in to the devils grin now bring the horror back again only the enlightened to where it's been will understand we're living low end tossed aside with no acknowledgment sheep by definition herded within don't cave in to the devils grin Self destructive homocide intending on us to run and hide as we are afraid of what's really inside we are afraid of the truth, fed lies people resort to praying to skies empty promises, where broken men die Nothing left to live for as we crumble to the ground buried on the seafloor not given a chance to make a sound we all know for certain there's no way we're being found Lost at see don't look at me i can't stand it can't stand it C-sar: Flexin on em in my calvins Shittin on em in my lanvins Seent you pull up had me laughing All these killas I be lapping body by dabbing demeanor by dabs dirty white tee hanging down to my calves I spit on anyone rocking a badge One time I died and it wasn’t so bad Out here with a felony in my bag Call me yung opec im about my gas Louder than brass and my eyes like a rash C-sar the grouch ho I live in the trash Spending this cash cause I don’t want no rats in my house And I know the cheddar will attract
2.
I confide within my lies I tell myself that i'm alright Then just as quickly as i build myself up i fall back down, what a major fuck up as i repeatedly fail to see my true colors and continue 2 make myself appear weak to others i tear apart my fucking mind just in hopes that i will find something in my life that i can live for I'm hopeful yet inside, i'm so afraid to take the ride it's always been disappointing, the right door I'm sore and so much more than i want to believe I tell myself so frequently that i need to leave but i insist that i'm tied down to my life here so i'll shed tears and hope for the best year drowning in my own weakness As i'm forced to come down, crash and burn again and i'll never realize the destruction of my character falling on myself with a weight i cant bear emotional lobotomy to escape reality nothing left but a hollow me I'm never coming down will i ever come down Wally Mack: There's nothing left but a hollow me; Just a shell of who I used to be. But that's all there was originally, living in hypocrisy unconsciously. Reinvention is liberating, it's too bad I'm terrified of changing; all this rearranging and staging is absolutely fucking draining. A compulsive liar and an impulsive buyer, burning cause I already fucked the fire. But I'll forget about it if I get a little bit higher, royalty in my mind call me sire. What was I thinking? I don't know, but boys that's the fucking way she goes. I dug myself in this lowly hole and I will reluctantly call it my own.
3.
when i wake up i search through my mind for a reason to fu cking tolerate this burden but all i ever find old repressed memories and a huge waste of time I'm Regretful of my past even though its in the past a lesson learned just won't suffice and it's not worth emotional torment a longing crave for nothingness formin i can't learn from my mistakes i've never had what it takes just keep yourself inebriated yeah i'm fucking marinated to come to life and suffer doesn't seem too fucking choice, it toys with my thought process i just want to make some progress i'm not who i used to be, i'm not who i am don't ask me what it means to me, i'm not who i am you'll never know who i am, i'm not who i am i'm not who i am, who i am, im not who am i what's it to ya cap n screw ya mind your fucking business i won't exploit identity crisis i feel like isis embodied and regulated don't act like i instigated who the fuck here segregated we're so overpopulated compulsive suicidal tensions violent convulsive trigger life long grave digger the one that no one mentions don't you ever fucking wonder what it's like to be the thunder keep that thought strong in your head so you won't forget when you're dead as if thoughts can carry over luckless sack of 3 leaf clovers burn and die metaphorically repent in god rhetorically i'm not who i was who was i i'm not i'm not who was i not i not who am i
4.
rock and roll dance party uncle sam approves this message i cannot see what i cant see why cant i see borrowing down the borrow hole further wreckless abandonment of all things considered i the process now i'm done out of my head it'll all end soon but i can't wait ghost of yesterday is todays mortician that pluralize everything for added effect wreck it i literally don't deserve anything my life is one big performance art piece nobody wants to see that everyone sees when i see how concerned you are it only makes it more difficult to get out of this carosel just leave me be while i contribute please i need to be gone for as long as possible and this is my only ticket that's why i'm being so pushy Hoes, dross, gross, goes the prose Wait, what?! Pros?! Nah, I said prose, bros Put your bros before hoes Tell your member to remember: Bitches never thankful, Give an inch, Take a divorce Thanks to baby daddy, He was a good laddy, Did the right thing by the state, payin me child support, get fucked in his prostate Uncle Sam approves this message.
5.
almost 20 years of fucking fear im constantly questioning myself and loathing exploding mental obsession desire for confession justify habituals with a wasteful session I keep my peace of mind with compulsive lies and darkened eyes in a black hole skull im a ragdoll steal my soul it flies low im slowed none of us will fit the mold of a being who is all seeing or at least partially i'm told grab hold it's all gold we will die in a hole i'm sold good luck with the shit you will learn to take it grab hold giant mass of lifeless flesh bubbling hot it makes a mess we know they won't settle for less with sharp pains crushing chests carving through past surgical operation trap the minds of a huge mindless nation possession of a world not living its about time we all start giving i suffer in my head dreaming of when i'll be dead or of how i'm always mislead distraught by words she said contemplation beyond mastication the complication of domination bloodied and slashed severely my mind is pained but nearly i look to see so clearly the sight of those missed dearly drown out problems abusing the substance look alittle deeper find the sustanence love or hate, discover the abundance discover the abundance of human nature
6.
suffering, i am alone i lack a place to call my home where I stays just not the same struggling to earn no gain scared and pained for lack of content come and gaze at my monument not for long as it's a fake but please pretend just for my sake torturous and terrified no happy place where i'll confide i stoop so low as if i've died don't call my bluff i never lie locked away my soul is rotting tossed and fucked my stomach knotting in my dreams they look like you and often times they'll hate me too crashing through disorderly conduct panicked and crying mental construct suicidal, but i must stay as a result i hate every day come and go like they always would returning to that place i stood hoping, waiting, non-debating my life is plagued with constant fading suffering from lack of expectations let me die i make attempts to better myself but it's so hard to try complicated, dead and jaded whats come of my life i am scared i am impaired im trapped within this strife socially destructed mentally abducted breaking point inside mind nothing new ive come to find an overbearing power coming down to cross the line we'll face our fears then face our tears while worrying we'll hide our ears it all boils down to living soundly through the years figure out who really cares and find a place to keep your spares subject yourself into the arms and breath in the fresh air deadly and steadily we stumble through our lives to see exactly the way things will be for what, but to be set free

about

Debut RAC EP, thanks for looking and listening

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released June 2, 2016

RAC is Micah Jordan

Artwork by Dreadnaught

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Micah Jordan Henderson, Kentucky

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